sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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