you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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