I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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