pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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