i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
