I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
