Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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