woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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