I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
