I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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