You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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