YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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