i think my tv is drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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