at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
