Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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