...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
