I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's blow job season.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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