Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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