3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
