so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
