hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
