He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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