almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
