I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
