apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
