Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
