i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
