She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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