don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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