it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
