i just wanna soil my oats bro
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
