So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
