Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
