I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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