I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
