Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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