I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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