am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
