how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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