Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
