I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
