I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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