I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
