You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
