talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
