Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
