we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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