Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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