Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
