You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
