ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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