I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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