Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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