DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
