I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize