My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize