I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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