Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
