listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
