Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee