she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle