So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if only i could text you this smell
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.