I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.