my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss