You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
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guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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