i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.