i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.