I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
