i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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