yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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