Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
