You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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