Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my being single is dangerous.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
