Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize