Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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