This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
