I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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