it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
