Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
