So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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